"sequential futility" a candy man's memoir
I like candy, and it shows. i keep company with candy. i don't trust people who tell me they just don't like candy, or don't have a sweet tooth. When people ask me what my favorite candy is, and that question has been asked intercontinentally, I tell them asking ME that question is like asking ME what my favorite movie is. Mood, genre, all time, or current? I'm a headache. But at 24 years old, I can say, right now, that JAWBUSTERS are my favorite form of candy. For those who don't know JAWBUSTERS are pearl shaped jawbreakers, consisting of red, purple, yellow, green and orange variety all equalling deliciousness. The JAWBUSTER merely possesses 6 of the 7 characteristics that I think make for the perfect candy:
1. I can suck on them if I want to.
2. I can chew on them if I want to (albeit at a price of probably losing my teeth)
3. There is a best flavor: red. There is a worst flavor: green.
4. They aren't ridiculously expensive (as is the case for 3 Musketeers Popables, a pricey investment)
5. I can eat them one at a time or a mouthful at a time ( 3 Musketeers qualifies).
6. I can never eat too many of them but I can never really eat that many of them (3 Musketeers exist until gone, DNQ).
The one characteristic not satisfied: JAWBUSTERS are not chocolate.
A member of our fair and equal society, now forming to become the Union of Lost Souls, name pending upon Board approval or President dismissal, is our Director of Programming, Tyler Ott. I believe he shares a love for candy that I do, for stoned or not, we can enjoy our favorite candies together, as different as they might be. For Tyler, his love lies with RUNTS. And I feel confident saying his love lies in what I see to be 5 of the 7 characteristics, since I am unsure whether Tyler feels there is a best flavor of RUNTS. I commend my friend for his diligence in the pursuit of new candies, though feel confident in his eternal love for RUNTS as well as SWEET TARTS and SKITTLES.
It's a candy world and I, I AM A CANDY GIRL!
1. I can suck on them if I want to.
2. I can chew on them if I want to (albeit at a price of probably losing my teeth)
3. There is a best flavor: red. There is a worst flavor: green.
4. They aren't ridiculously expensive (as is the case for 3 Musketeers Popables, a pricey investment)
5. I can eat them one at a time or a mouthful at a time ( 3 Musketeers qualifies).
6. I can never eat too many of them but I can never really eat that many of them (3 Musketeers exist until gone, DNQ).
The one characteristic not satisfied: JAWBUSTERS are not chocolate.
A member of our fair and equal society, now forming to become the Union of Lost Souls, name pending upon Board approval or President dismissal, is our Director of Programming, Tyler Ott. I believe he shares a love for candy that I do, for stoned or not, we can enjoy our favorite candies together, as different as they might be. For Tyler, his love lies with RUNTS. And I feel confident saying his love lies in what I see to be 5 of the 7 characteristics, since I am unsure whether Tyler feels there is a best flavor of RUNTS. I commend my friend for his diligence in the pursuit of new candies, though feel confident in his eternal love for RUNTS as well as SWEET TARTS and SKITTLES.
It's a candy world and I, I AM A CANDY GIRL!
posted by Zachariakis at
1:44 AM
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